Pre-Marital Sex!

Yesterday, two of my friends and me were having a discussion on how relationships in modern India are working and in general our view on institution of marriage and relationships. The discussion led to a point of “Pre-marital sex”. There’s a lot of buzz going on these days regarding this. Few months back actresses Khushaboo and Sushmita Sen expressed their views on Pre-marital sex and it created a lot of controversy. Hence, this forced me to think on this point and I thought that I should write down something but instead of writing down my own thoughts I came across following post on one of the blogs. Interesting write-up.  Just check it out.
(found this post at http://atulskulkarni.blogspot.com/2005_12_01_archive.html)
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Last week Pune Times came out with a an article with a flashy head line about this topic. The article was claiming some figures about young India’s perception of “Pre Marital Sex” and their openness to it. I almost let this article pass out of mind until it was yesterday, that I was asked to present my views by two of my close friends about this topic. Though the topic was a little digressed more towards our group and we guys in person. I was caught little off guard!

It all started with a situation where in I am in the US and “Unmarried”, would i go the path to lose my Virginity with a person other than my “would be” life partner? or resist from it and present my self Virgin to my future life partner? The answer was clear to me and I gave it with no ambiguity too booth of them! This was the second path I would take and be patient! But, one of us had some other ideas and was of the opinion that, we might miss something, if we do not live that moment in life and “enjoy” at that very moment in our life.
Later the discussion moved over to another topic, this time one which almost took me by surprise again. “What is a chance that you would get a Virgin wife?” I was not expecting this to be a topic discussed with most us barring me saying “very less chance” and making remarks like what is the guaranty that she has not had affairs earlier!

What took me off was the uncertainty and suspicion they for their future life partners! I mean if people take this stand and start doubting their life partners they would barely be able to live their life with any peace. It is really the emotional bond you establish with your life partner that last for long than the other marital attractions. It is important that you accept your life partner as he/she is and not try to peel off the past every now and then that would make your relationship a one with bruises and bitterness than a one with sweetness and love! To many in the twenties love means/resembles lust! May be in the initial stage of marriage it might be true, to not so some extent, but then that does not really last for long!!(That’s what I have read at least!!!)

If fact yesterday’s discussion reached a stage where I was told it could destroy the entire family (parents and siblings!) if your life partner has had any Pre-Marital Affairs or Pre-Marital Sex!
Now for that matter I would say even if you get a “Virgin Partner” (per say) but due to some reason of your own you go own to have an Extra Marital Affair! Now what? Who is betraying the partner? Who is at fault? This discussion can lead to a very very personal part of someone’s life where only good people to comment are the two partners involved! I would rather like to keep away from this analysis as I feel this is really not needed! The base line is it is not important if you get a Virgin life partner, but it is utmost important if you get a partner who cares for you, loves you for being with him/her, and commits to be with you all the life!

Rather than discussing if I would get a Virgin life partner I would suggest, do think on building a relationship and a bond of love and care with your life partner. That would help a lot in future. Thinking “if I would get a Virgin life partner?” only sends negative Vibes through your mind and sets it up for a wrong and biased analysis of the situation. Hence avoid such thoughts and live happily!

Cheers!

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2 thoughts on “Pre-Marital Sex!”

  1. it never pays to dwell on someone’s past, if ur current bonding is strong. if all is excellnt between 2 ppl when they meet and are committed enuff, it doesnt matter what relationship one had previously. coz we , especially indians tend to view any past relationship as the fact that person has ‘physical relationship’….we forget about the mental/emotional aspect. what if u found a virgin partner but who was emotionally involved with someone else and still has that person in his/her thoughts ? is that acceptable to you ? it is the narrow mindedness of the indian mind to understand relationship=physical relationship only. whereas the mental/emotional presense and sanctity is also very important. and it is this sanctity which keeps a good marriage steady. although physical sanctity becomes imp as well after marriage coz of the ”trust angle”…what past someone had has no meaning. when ppl who r in ”love” with someone, but due to family pressure [in india] end up marrying someone else, is this a faithful start ? are these not the real non-virgins ?

  2. The more important question here is, how much does it matter to you. How much does this question trouble you. Do your thoughts often linger on your close one’s old affairs or do you feel very troubled when you think that you might be marrying someone who is not a virgin. A lot of us that say that pre-marital sex is acceptable if the couple in question were in love with each other (or even if not), but this does not apply to their ‘to-be’ wives and husbands. It keeps nagging, and troubling them throughout their married life. Ultimately leading to a marriage built on doubts and distrust. Can you understand, absorb, forgive and most importantly FORGET what ever has happened before the person met you.
    Even if you ask a person before getting married whether they had a previous relationship, there are 80% chances that the person will never admit to it. And if you find this out after the marriage then how psyched are you going to get about it.
    This is something one needs to be ask themselves…..
    There is no guarantee that the person you are marrying has not had any affairs or has not been in love with someone else. The best option is not to ask certain questions before or after your marriage, unless willingly told, and only make certain that the marriage you build together is oblivious to any other affairs other than your own.

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