Being Single is not Being Alone

Today, I was discussing “why does one marry” with one of my close friends. This discussion also reminded me of Nagesh Kukunoor’s film “Hyderabad Blues”. In the film, he plays a character called Varun. Varun o has returned from US and is puzzled by the lifestyle of people in India in contrast with his lifestyle in America. As Varun is ‘foreign returned’ and in accordance with our traditions, his parents are in a hurry to get Varun married.

Nagesh Kukunoor has shown all of these process/customs through some funny, enjoyable situations. E.g. Even a milkman asks Varun’s mother as to when Varun would get married :)

Anyways, let’s not delve much into the storyline of Hyderabad Blues. According to me, more often than not, people in India think that if a boy/girl is not married then he/she is either absolutely alone and living a miserable life or would be miserable ahead (being lonely, depressed etc. being the consequential fall-outs) However, I think there is a huge difference between “Being Single” and “Being Alone”. Personally, I do not find any relation between the two. I think in general people get married for one of the following reasons.

1) Companionship –> A Companion is a person with whom one can share his views, joys, sorrows for an entire lifetime. Moreover, a companion is a friend with whom one can discuss all his private/personal things or rather everything one enjoy every moment of togetherness. However, it is not necessary for someone to get married in order to share their life. A general notion is that friends/family are temporary and one needs a companion but I think that that is not true. A person can definitely share his views, personal things with close childhood friends and may be brother/sister etc.

2) Need for care in the later stages of life –> This is like getting married as a future investment so that there will be someone who would take care of a person in the later stages of his/her life. This doesn’t make sense to me. This is more like like getting married now and renewing a relationship similar to paying yearly insurance premiums. So that when the insurance policy matures, a benefit can be derived from it.

3) Security –> Most of the times, a person gets married out of a sense of insecurity. When a person fails in something or if something bad were to happen, then he feels that there is someone is at home who would with him during the crisis.Again, it’s not imperative that that one be dependent on someone for emotional/moral support. It depends on an individual and most importantly how he treats his own life without thinking what other people will say.

4) Sex –> Finally (and honestly) I feel sometimes that people get married because they think that it would bea license for having sex. Particularly, this reason is beyond my understanding and I don’t think that if one is not married then he/she is necessarily a virgin. According to me, these things are not related. (Check out this old post http://chinmayogale.blogspot.com/2008_01_01_archive.html )

Having saidthat, people should definitely marry if they find their soulmate and when they are convinced about the concept of sharing their life with that one person. . I would even say, if one enjoys being with another person (of opposite sex) and to some extent is emotionally dependent on them or enjoys every moment spent with them, then he/she should certainly get married. However, being in a happy state of mind as either single or married, is relative and depends upon the individual. It is therefore difficult to infer that a single person is always alone and unhappy.

2 thoughts on “Being Single is not Being Alone”

  1. Well thought out post.

    I would say it just comes down to the kind of people you & your partner are. There are many single men who lead secure, active and fulfilling lives and many married men who lead wretched & insecure lives. Vice versa is also true.

    BTW, would suggest some caution when it comes to sharing your thoughts on a public blog. The written word can stay forever and has a strange habit of coming back at you when you least expect it.

  2. society goes through many reforms, long back they must have experienced the outcomes of having no rules to man-woman relationships and decided to put rules to it, I am sure the trend is changing again and people are opting for live in relationships, there are pros and cons of both I guess.

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