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ALONE

August 26th, 2010 by chinmayogale

The reason behind writing this piece of text is with reference to a discussion I had with a friend . He was saying nature’s rule is that humans are a social animal whereas on the contrary I have always felt that naturally every human is alone.

Every man/woman is always inclined towards mingling, socializing with others. I say feeling of socializing is not natural but it comes out of fear of being alone, which every human has. Now, comes part of emotional attachment. I think feeling of being attached to parents, siblings, friends etc comes out of being with them for a certain period of time. You enjoy being with them and it becomes kind of habit rather it becomes need and when need arises comes a question of utility. That way I have always felt that every relationship comes with a utility and once the utility is over relationship is over.

Moving on this may sound harsh but every human comes with date of expiry and we always try not to think about it. However, in our subconscious we definitely know that and as a result of this we try to build new relationships with fear of expiry of other people and of course our own default state of being alone. That’s why when somebody just thinks of himself we say he/she is having extreme individualistic attitude or is self centered. I say nothing wrong in it but its just that degree of being alone is slightly higher in these people than others. However, having said this depending upon the degree of state of being alone and fear caused by it, people make or break relationships. Always in search of someone. May it be a family member, friend or somebody else.

6 Responses

xx writes:
August 26th, 201011:12 amat

This topic can highly individualistic with mutiple opinions from everyone. People who are married or in a state of mind to get hitched try to justify that no one can be alone, and everyone needs company, and it is the law of nature that humans need someone to live with, to grow old with. Whereas, the other group of people (read: with no intention of getting married) try to justify that everyone can live alone, and it is a need/utility that drives us for company.

But maybe being along or needing company whether its of a parent, child, partner or a friend is very time dependent.

We all get this feeling as times that we can live alone, especially when we are feeling a high of some achievement or have a dedicated goal to achieve something. And we need company when we feel lonely, depressed or just someone to talk with, spend time with.
There will always be phases in life when you wish for company of close ones, and phases where you can be alone for long lengths of time..is that not so?
Chinmay writes:
August 26th, 201010:05 pmat

Reply to comment above by “xx” –>

The point you have mentioned is correct regarding married people saying that company is required and singles saying other way around. However, in this post I haven’t delved into if one should get married or not. For addressing that point couple of months back I have written a different post.

In this post my point is human is always alone. Honestly, I have felt this way since childhood. Here I am not talking at all about looking for partner or not. I am saying nature/god creates us as an individual always. He never creates with already established connections. That’s my firm belief and in sub conscious we always know this and are in search of person.

Now, as you are saying when we are feeling high we feel that we can live alone or when feeling depressed we find someone to talk to. I beg to differ, if that is the case then people wouldn’t have celebrated their success or even family men have achieved their aim even if when having family life. So it depends As for in depressed state most of the times people find someone to talk to because it feels good when somebody sympathizes with you. In this case again fear of being depressed alone. Again, general rule I believe in “When you laugh, the world will laugh with you. When you cry, you cry alone.
SW writes:
September 2nd, 20101:07 pmat

People will have different opinion on this topic which might or might not be influenced by their current lives.

I would say “Every person is different though born alone”

I do agree to some extent that being socializing might come out of fear being alone, but its not 100% true. We break or involve in relationships depending upon time or feelings.
I don’t think that we are socialized just because we fear to be alone. I think here emotions play a big role. If someone is emotionally attached to other person is the reason behind being in socializing.

For eg. I would prefer to be friends to somebody I like or somebody whose thinking matches with me.

I am sure that it will differ person to person.
My point is…mother is linked with a child because she has love for him. And the same can applied for any relationship. Brother / sister/ parents/ partner/ friend. Some of them come out of emotions and some might be ‘must have’ relationships like ‘Saas-Bahu’

Even people, who believe in being ‘Alone’, go to their friends or somebody to share their joys or sadness.

Humans can stay alone but cant live alone, everything is more meaningful or more worthy if he/she has someone to share.

I believe in “If you share, it doubles the happiness and half the sorrows”
AR writes:
September 10th, 201012:55 amat

I guess what we need to ask ourselves is “What is natural?” Natural is something ‘in-born’ ‘built-in’ or without ‘effort’.
In humans, the most natural thing is ‘Feelings’ and ‘emotions’. These are natural, comes with your birth. Then again, there are certain things that can ‘become’ natural after practice like swimming, a tennis forehand shot etc.
‘Fear’, which is a feeling, is also natural. Fear of falling, fear of drowning…etc. And so our ‘need’ for an emotional/physical response to that fear is also natural. Question is, how is that need satisfied. You can practice swimming, athletics etc as a means to satisfy that need. If you do not practice, you drown or fall, as the case may be.
Now the case about man being a social animal. Your need to ‘be attached’, ‘taken care of’, ‘speak’, ‘heard’ are all natural. It comes with your birth, that why babies cry, start to smile at a certain age, clap their hands, hold your hands, snuggle and yes…’Talk’. Babies who lack these ‘natural’ abilities need ‘special care’. So that establishes that these things are necessary for our very survival. Thus, ‘by nature’ we were not born ‘lonely’ or ‘alone’ but rather with a ‘natural fear’ of being alone.
So now try and compare the ‘natural’ Fear of falling (absence of control) to an equally natural Fear of being alone (absence of someone to talk/share). Also note that being alone is a physical state, but ‘loneliness’ is perceived mental state. It is a ‘Fear’. And the response to that can be practiced. Some socialize, some paint, some run, some meditate, some write, some share, some research, some publish. If you do not practice, you fall, get into depression, kill yourself and what not.
Hope this helps. My two cents!
Ras writes:
January 27th, 20112:23 amat

Ummm that depends from person to person, I have seen some people who get bored if they are alone, they have this compulsive need to be social, to interact with people, to meet new people everyday and talk… some people are loners… a person who gets bored in his/ her own company might be so boring for others
suprabh writes:
July 18th, 20118:35 amat

Take this from a person who has had his share of company and loneliness…humans are alone when it comes to the thought process but they definitely require company in the physical world. Just because I can walk for 3 miles alone, doesn’t mean I want to do that. Yes, maybe I want to walk alone today or tonight or may be this week, maybe this month, or even this year..but that won’t remain like that. It is very much possible that humans may prefer to be devoid of company if they cannot get the company of their liking, so there choices come into picture but yes, in the desperate need of the hour a human will even take a cat or a imaginary god for company.